I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
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