Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
