this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
