don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
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Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
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My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
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