Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Randomize
