you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
