I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
i think i have herpe
just one?
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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