Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
