Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
