I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
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