i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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