sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Are my feet made of real feet?
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
