Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Did I show you my penis last night?
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
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