I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Randomize
