Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
