he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
