rhymes with "ouble enetration"
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
