6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize