oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
