I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
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