Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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