I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
