Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
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