I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
