i was rollin on her like bob the builder
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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