I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
how drunk are you?
Several
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
