You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
