I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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