we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
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