Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize