We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
