god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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