Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
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