Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
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