Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
