8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
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