I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
