it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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