He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
