he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
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