just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
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