I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
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