you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
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this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
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Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
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