Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Randomize
