Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
