are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
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