omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Where are you guys?
Drunk
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