I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Randomize
