God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Randomize
