Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
