Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
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