Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
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