I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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