You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
