so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Randomize
