so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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