He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
She's the barista slut.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
