dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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