You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
