Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
